Do You Remember the “Good” Times?

“Remember the timei_remember_when-300x225 when…”

We skinny dipped at midnight?

We “borrowed” your parent’s car?

We got a little wild on vacation?

We got caught getting frisky in the park?

However you finish this sentence, we hope that afterwards there are tremendous amounts of smiles and laughter that ensue. Like most couples, overtime my spouse and I have experienced some great moments in our relationship that are truly memorable. For instance, I remember when we use to rotate driving 40 minutes to each other’s house every Monday to watch episodes of “The Mole”; a reality show we were deeply involved in, yet could never figure out who the mole was. Also, I remember the first time we celebrated my birthday together, he called himself proudly buying me a set of wine glasses but they were champagne flutes. Thank goodness we were just friends during that time and he wasn’t trying to impress me, because I laughed so hard at him.

Reminiscing upon these positive, funny, entertaining, loving and sometimes embarrassing moments definitely bring us closer together. Just talking about those past moments and memories almost allow us to relive the experiences all over again and connect in a way almost as if the experience had just occurred.

Dr. Rich Nicastro shares the following perspective about reminiscing for a stronger marriage/relationship:

“… reminiscing requires a particular mindset, an openness and attentiveness to the process of reliving a once-lived experience”

He goes on to say that :

“Couples do this all the time, but sadly, they typically do it with painful events … only to relive an argument again and again with absolutely no benefit to their marriage or relationship. This is reminiscing gone awry.”

In any long-term relationship there will be many memories both painful and joyous. Obviously the goal of any relationship is to have more of the latter. Although you can’t avoid the painful moments from occurring in your relationship, you can however, avoid whether you reminisce about them. (Of course in saying this we’re obviously assuming that you’ve already gotten over the painful moments and moved on from them, as opposed to something that just happen recently). My spouse and I made a pact that once we have officially forgiven the person we can no longer bring the negative memory back up. We prefer to avoid reminiscing about upsetting moments and instead focus on the happier more positive moments of our relationship because this allows us to capture over and over again heartwarming memories we created together.

Dr. Nicostro further states:

“… when you and your partner make the conscious choice to reminisce about positive, pleasurable, satisfying experiences you co-experienced …you end up enhancing the emotional foundation and bond of your relationship. Reminiscing about positive events is like feeding your relationship an emotional multi-vitamin.”

So the next time you’re sitting around with your mate and one of you poses the question “Do you remember that time when?” be sure to bring up nothing but pleasant memories and relive them with your partner. In fact, if possible take it a step further and pull out old pictures or play a song that supports those memories. Laugh the night away and connect with your mate in only a way that the two of you can.

So tell us what is one of the most reminisced upon moments of your relationship? Leave us a comment.

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